I don’t know how deep I want to go here, the metaphor isn’t subtle, none of my metaphors really are, but I’ll take a crack at my inspiration with this comic.
I have had a lot of personal coaching and been in supportive group coaching sessions where there is a lot of talk about “feeling the feels”. It’s hard to pinpoint the time in my life where I started using alcohol to avoid and hide from my feelings, but it sure became my go to partner for that little dance.
I wanted to represent the feelings as an actual entity, the idea of a blob, or shadow or the like that is chasing you and trying to suffocate you was what I was going for here. I coloured it blue (I don’t use a lot of colour in my cartoons) to really get the point across. I think it’s totally hilarious when ‘the feels’ is peeking around a tree and the bear knows something is up.
What is not so hilarious is how many feels I felt while drawing this one. It made me think about the countless times I was drinking to ‘have fun’ when deep down I was simply trying to run away and forget about all the self loathing I had at the time. I struggled a LOT with body image issues, perfectionism and general feelings of being inadequate in my professional life, for most of my late 20s and 30s. I used my identity as a fun party girl to tamp down those feelings, or bury them in such a pile of apathetic hangover sickness I couldn’t actually think about them. I felt like everyone liked the fun (hot mess) version of me much better than who I actually was. I would ‘perform’ for friends/family/colleagues at any gathering where booze was being served to be better liked. If people laughed with (at) me, wasn’t I something special?
All the coaching and talking to others has been so incredible for learning this is not only common, but down right “normal”. Using booze to escape feels is one of it’s main functions in our society. This makes me sad, but also helps me look for ways to deal with the feels – like drawing silly comics about them.
Dealing with the feels takes time and it’s much nicer to do with support (I am a HUGE advocate of personal coaching, therapy, counseling or whatever mental health professional works for you). Honestly the feels have turned into something I lean into now versus run from. Don’t get me wrong, the feels are hard. I don’t want to lean into them, but I know it will pass. What I can say with absolute certainly is that getting hammered and showing everyone my tits does not make facing the feels easier.
The Graphical Bear 